


chiste | scherzo

by xzael



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Dialogue Heavy, Español | Spanish, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff, Getting Together, Italiano | Italian, Literary References & Allusions, M/M, Oblivious, One Shot, Teasing, Well - Freeform, like everything i write hehe >:), the italian is all google translate, the spanish is all me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22936579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xzael/pseuds/xzael
Summary: Rafael calls Sonny terms of endearment in Spanish. Sonny calls Rafael terms of endearment in Italian.The squad is tired of their flirting.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 97





	chiste | scherzo

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! this is my first svu fic, but i have more ideas lined up. this was written to procrastinate doing my three week late essay. it is currently 1:31 am.  
> enjoy! translations for all the spanish and italian are in the end notes, but i recommend waiting till the end to read them.

“No. Go over it again.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“I’m not. You’re missing something.” Barba kept his eye on Carisi while he paced around his office.

“I’ve memorized every single detail of this case!” He threw his hands up in frustration, as if Barba could ever forget this man was Italian. 

“Oh, _pobrecito._ ” Barba mockingly pouted. “You knew what you were getting into when you asked me to help you with a mock trial. _Again._ ” Carisi had graduated from Fordham months ago, but his professor emailed him asking to participate in a mock trial he was putting on for his new students. He would be the prosecutor. 

“ _Tu sei il diavolo._ ” He muttered.

“You actually speak Italian?” Barba questioned, an eyebrow raised.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Carisi crossed his arms defensively, leaning against the wall across from Barba.

“Well, you’re what, third-generation? It’s not common for immigrants beyond first, maybe second-generation to know their parents’ native language.” 

“My _nonna_ and _nonno_ only spoke Italian. They took care of me and my sisters enough for us to pick it up.” 

“Interesting.” 

“I can never tell if you’re insulting me or not.” 

“Good. Now go over the case again.” 

“For fuck’s sake-” Before Carisi could add hand gestures into his protest, the door swung open.

“Sorry to cut this short, but I need to take Carisi back. We got a victim in Little Italy.” Rollins was in the doorway, ready to leave as quickly as she arrived.

“Duty calls.” Carisi grinned smugly at Barba before leaving with Rollins. 

* * *

“Leave.”

“What? I just got here. And I brought cannolis.”

“When will you learn that the department store sale section is not suitable attire for a Manhattan detective?” Barba was looking rather comfortable in his office chair.

“Not everyone has your taste, _caro._ ” Carisi shot back. Barba wrinkled his nose.  
“I refuse to take that as an insult. There’s nothing wrong with indulging.” Prompted by the detective’s confusion, Barba elaborated. “Spanish and Italian are both derived from Latin. Some words are cognates, or near cognates.” 

“So you got that I was calling you expensive.” Carisi deadpanned, clearly disappointed that his insult fell through.

“Yes. Hand over the cannolis.” 

“Fine. But save some for Liv, she’s coming in a bit.” Carisi placed the bag on Barba’s desk and sighed. 

“To babysit you?”

“That’s a cheap shot and you know it.” In lieu of a response, Barba took a bite of a cannoli. The temporary cease fire continued for a few more minutes before Olivia entered, trailed by Nick.

“Didn’t know you were in town.” Carisi commented.

“Just for the week.” Nick replied, grabbing a cannoli before taking a seat. 

“You’re spoiling your dinner.” Olivia tutted, standing by Barba’s desk.

“Ever the doting mother you are.” Barba joked.

“It’s in my nature.” 

“So where are we going?” Carisi asked, mouth half-full of food.

“Coppelia.” Barba had more than a hint of disgust in his voice at the man’s lack of manners.

“Ah, _un sabor de la patria.”_ Nick smiled.

“ _Algo para sazonar la paleta del gringuito._ ” Olivia chuckled at Barba’s jest, causing Carisi to whip his head around to face her.

“You speak Spanish too?” He asked incredulously.

“Enough to get by.” She was still smiling. “You at least know Barba was talking about you, right?”

* * *

“Sorry guys, we couldn’t shake off this guy that was following us.” 

“Thanks for that, Carisi.” Nick rolled his eyes good-naturedly before taking a seat at the table, the others following suit. Fin and Amanda had been waiting for them to arrive.

“About time you came back for a visit.” Fin clapped his hand on Nick’s back. “It’s good to see you.”  
“How’s retirement treating you?” Amanda inquired.

“Well, I always thought I’d be in Florida, close to my _raíces_ , but it’s been good. A lot calmer.” Nick replied. 

“That’s great to hear, Nick. You deserve the rest.” Olivia assures sincerely. 

“Thank you, Liv. Good to know I still got at least one person on my side.” He turned to look at Carisi. “This one just came for the food.”

“Objection, speculation.” Carisi was pleased with the laughs that came from his squad.

“ _No estás equivocado. Pues, has visto este flaquito._ ” Barba looked far too pleased with himself when Fin choked on his drink.

“Not you too?”

“ _Estoy un rey de los lenguajes._ ” Fin declared in a less-than-subpar accent. “I just know the insults.”

“Hey, that’s the first step to language learning.” Nick added, browsing the menu.

“ _Che branco di idioti._ ” 

“You talk to your mother with that mouth?”

“Shut up, Barba.” 

* * *

“Anyone up for getting drinks?”

“You guys go on ahead. I need to get home to Noah.”

“Only if you’re paying, Carisi.”

“You’re always such a _gioia_ , aren’t you?”

“So I see that two can play at that game.” Amanda laughed.

“What game?” The aforementioned two asked simultaneously. She simply shook her head, then looked at Fin and Nick, undecipherable expressions on all their faces.

“Alright, alright, let’s go get those drinks.” Fin gently reminded, getting up. The bill had already been split and paid.

* * *

“I really thought something would happen by the time I came back for a visit.”

“If anything, it’s gotten worse.”

“Agreed.”

“What’s gotten worse?” Carisi slipped back into the booth, drinks in hand for the squad. Barba sat down on the opposite side, his own scotch freshly refilled.

“ _Nada que necesitas preocuparte de.”_ Nick shared the same look as Fin and Amanda on his face.

“I need to pick up a Spanish to English dictionary, I swear.” 

“Ready to pick up another textbook, _soleado?_ ” 

“That one ain’t even creative, Barba.” Nick all but chugs his beer.

“His insults are that bad?” Amanda’s eyes nearly pop out of her skull.

“Insults?” She repeated, eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah? The Spanish harassment started a few days ago, when you picked me up to translate for that vic.” 

“So you are actually fluent in Italian.” Barba teased. 

“I’m too sober for this. Get out so I can fix that.” Carisi and Nick move, and Fin heads towards the bar. 

“Me too.” Amanda followed.

“And me.” Nick’s departure left Barba and Carisi alone, sitting on opposite sides of the table.

“I don’t suppose _sabes de lo que estaban hablando de.”_

“ _Non più di te,_ counselor _._ ”

“ _Il percorso per il Paradiso comincia all'Inferno._ ” Barba mused cryptically.

“Quoting Dante to me?” Carisi’s voice was barely at a whisper.  
“You’ve read it?”

“The original Italian version.” 

“Of course.” A few moments of silence passed before Carisi spoke up.

“ _Cuando entres en el corazón de un amigo, no importa el lugar que ocupes, lo importante es que nunca salgas de allí._ ”

“Don Quixote? You realize I’m _Cubano_ , right? And don’t even get me started on your accent.”

“Hey, I’m trying.” 

“I know.” Barba has an honest to god twinkle in his eye. “ _Pero no estoy seguro si estamos de acuerdo aquí.”_

“ _Dimmi, amante. Stiamo cercando di fare la stessa cosa?_ ” Carisi has no idea how he managed to not stutter, but he’s thankful when he sees the way Barba’s looking at him.

“I know what that word means.”

“I, yeah. I made sure you would.”

“I’ll get us a Lyft.”

“Please.” Carisi whimpered, much to his chagrin. 

* * *

“I told you guys it would work.”

“I hate you.”

“They’re still idiots.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you guys still have to pay up.”

“I’m blaming you for my gambling relapse at my next meeting.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! let me know what you thought below in the comments, and leave kudos if you liked it! this was a very self indulgent fic because raúl esparza s cuban accent is INSANELY attractive. more rafael speaking spanish fics are coming soon...
> 
> here are the translations for the spanish and italian!  
> chiste | scherzo - joke  
> pobrecito - poor thing  
> tu sei il diavolo - you are the devil  
> nonna / nonno - grandma / grandpa  
> caro - expensive in spanish and italian, term of endearment in italian  
> un sabor de la patria - a taste of the homeland  
> algo para sazonar la paleta del gringuito - something to spice up the white boy s palette  
> no estás equivocado. pues, has visto este flaquito - you're not wrong. well, you ve seen this skinny boy (but also a spanish term of endearment)  
> estoy un rey de los lenguajes - i am a king of languages  
> che branco di idioti - what a bunch of idiots  
> gioia - joy, italian term of endearment  
> nada que necesitas preocuparse de - nothing that you need to worry about  
> soleado - sunny (haha)  
> sabes lo que estaban hablando de - you know what they were talking about  
> non più de ti - no more than you  
> il percorso per il Paradiso comincia all'Inferno - the path to heaven begins in hell, from dante s inferno  
> cuando entres en el corazón de un amigo, no importa el lugar que ocupes, lo importante es que nunca salgas de allí - when you enter the heart of a friend, it doesn t matter where you are, what s important is you never leave from there, from don quijote  
> pero no estoy seguro si estamos de acuerdo aquí - but i m not sure if we re on the same page here  
> dimmi, amante. stiamo cercando di fare la stessa cosa - tell me, lover (in spanish and italian. at this point carisi is using it to flirt, since he and barba aren t together yet. amaro definitely told him to use it) are we trying to do the same thing?
> 
> i hope you guys can figure out who s talking in the little amaro rollins and fin asides!  
> edit mar 5 2020: GUYS I M DIHDIFJDHF i picked coppelia as the restaurant they go to bc it s a cubab restaurant in manhattan and i just watched a Raúl esparza interview where he mentions the same restaurant I DIDN T EVEN KNOW


End file.
